Wedding Drama: The Tale of the Drunken Chauffeur
I'm extremely nervous about writing this blog post. After days of tireless contemplation (okay, slight exaggeration) I'm finally ready to lay it all on the table with...the 
tale of the Drunken Chauffeur. I think enough time has passed that I can purge my soul of this wedding drama and the mistake we made when we were fledgling DJs that has haunted me ever since.
These events really happened...to me. Only the names have been changed to protect the innocent.
Long, long ago at a Hudson Valley wedding not so far away, Sarah and Joe were celebrating their union with a traditional wedding reception. Jeff and I were the DJs.
Everything started out normally enough. The bridal party was running a little late. Guests were mingling in the cocktail hour, munching on pigs in a blanket, drinking white wine out of Dixie cups and gulping Coors Lite at the bar.
Finally, the bride and groom arrived. We had our introduction music ready to go, the first dance song was cued. We were ready.
A gust of wind swept into the ballroom as the door was thrust open. A short gentleman in a limousine driver outfit and a chauffeur's cap on his head rushed up to us.
"The bride and groom are here!" he panted. I noticed the dirty fingerprints on his glasses. "I need the microphone. I'm supposed to announce them."
I looked at Jeff. Jeff looked at me. No one had told us about this, but this little man seemed pretty confident.
"Hurry! They're about to arrive," he insisted.
I picked up the microphone, looked at it, and reluctantly handed it to him.
The little limo driver stood as tall as he could manage and strode to the center of the dance floor. "Attention! Attention, everyone," he said in the manner and personality of an air traffic controller.
He cleared his throat into the microphone. "Prepare to receive. Prepare to receive. The bride and groom are about to arrive."
Sarah and Joe stumbled into the hall to join their guests, still straightening their garments from the limo ride, looking embarrassed. The limo drive puffed up his chest and handed us back the microphone.
"What was that about?" the bride asked us five minutes later. "That guy is a freak!"
I wanted to shrink into the floor and my ears burned. I apologized profusely.
Sarah, a beautiful bride with cascading auburn hair, smiled at me. "It's no big deal."
The night proceeded mostly as planned, though the reception hall (run by a staff of sixteen year olds) seemed to forget they were supposed to feed the guests; Jeff and I had to remind them almost three hours into the reception. "Uh, aren't you guys going to feed these people?"
Dance after dance the guests partied...and the limo driver sat at the bar. Drinking. A lot. By the end of the night he was...how do I put it?...completely sloshed.
The bride and groom were forced to call a cab because there was no way they were climbing into a limo driven by a drunken chauffeur on their wedding night.
As for the limo driver, let's just say he hadn't demonstrated the best judgment. The groom was a police officer and there were dozens of cops among the guests. I think he went home in handcuffs.
What did we learn from this fiasco?
Never, never, ever give the microphone to anyone at a wedding unless the bride and groom tell us they would like them to speak. Never.
(This is Toasting Rule #1, by the way. Even if the father of the bride wants to say something, if he is not on the agenda I will still clear it with her first.)
How can you prevent this from happening to you?
- Check your references. I'm sure if this couple had called around a bit before hiring the drunken limo driver, they would have found a list of complaints a mile long.
- Instruct your reception hall NOT to serve drinks to your wedding vendors. Especially the ones responsible for driving you home. Yeah.
- And by all means, be specific about who is and who is not allowed to use the microphone at your wedding.
Got a drunken tale of wedding woe to share? Leave me a comment.
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Good for you Steph! I'm so glad you posted a story like this. It's so important to hire from a reputable transportation company. Clients think they're saving a few dollars by hiring through companies like this. That's why I always tell my clients..."You get what you paid for!". And a vendor should never, ever drink when they're working, whether they are driving or not.
Again...Great Article!!!