Personalize Your Wedding: Give Your Hudson Valley Ceremony Roots and Wings
The Reverend Puja Thomson. Her presence is subtle, yet commanding; her energy calming, yet playful. When she presides over a wedding ceremony, her charming Scottish 
brogue is exotic, yet somehow familiar and comforting.
Puja was given her unusual name by her spiritual master, Osho, when she went from Scotland to India to be in his presence. Puja, a name which means ceremony, worship or offering, so appropriate for her life’s work.
Drawing on her diverse backgrounds in counseling, healing and education, she helps Hudson Valley couples create personal, meaningful ceremonies that, to use her words, “help everyone focus and raise their energy for that sacred time.” Knowing all this, and having seen Puja work that magic with my own eyes, I was extremely excited to interview her.
Frequently Asked Questions
We haven’t done this before. Can you guide me?
“The answer is absolutely yes!” Puja affirms. “An officiant should support you in decisions that represent who you are and give you the tools to do it. Couples who come to me want to find their own voice.”
Are you open to us as a couple if we come from different traditions?
It’s very important to ask this question of officiants if you come from different backgrounds that you would like to integrate in your wedding ceremony. “You might be Jewish and Christian,” Puja explains, “and I’ll work with you to blend your different traditions.”
How do I deal with my future mother-in-law who wants us to have a traditional ceremony…and it’s not anything like what we want? Will you support us in this?
Puja finds that some couples struggle with resistance from family members about traditional vs. non-traditional elements of the ceremony. “The first thing I ask, have you really had a heart to heart with her about what you want for your ceremony? As a couple you are forging your own meaning and doing it together, so it isn’t about just ONE tradition.”
There is a place to honor the traditions of your family, as well as the traditions you choose as a couple, so that you can blend them together into a ceremony that uniquely represents you, your love and your relationships.
How To Create A Personal, Unique Ceremony
Puja suggests that you ask yourselves these questions:
Photo by China Jorrin
Do you want a spiritual, religious or secular ceremony?
“Have a sense for your parameters first,” she says. “This will narrow down your choices. Most people know if they don’t want a 1 ½ hour church ceremony, even if they might not know what they do want.”
What are your cultural and spiritual backgrounds?
Many officiants, like Puja, don’t require attachment to a particular organization. You can mix and match traditions and cultures into your wedding ceremony and your officiant or minister can suggest ways to do it.
Photos by Lori O'Toole Images
Use the Tools Provided By Your Officiant
Puja begins by getting to know her couples with list of questions about how they met, what they appreciate in each other and most importantly, their shared values.
“Couples often don’t see the link between their shared values and their vows. Your vows aren’t promises to ‘Get my husband a cup of coffee every morning.’ Vows like that you can’t keep forever!” she laughs. “Once you know your shared values, that is what your vows will be about.”
Puja provides a template of the suggested order for the ceremony with three parts: the beginning (welcome, opening prayer or thanks, reading); the middle (declaration of intention, vows, exchange of rings, blessing of couple) and the end (involvement of family/friends in some way, pronouncement and final blessing / breaking glass.) Start out by looking at sample ceremonies to see what you like; then you can cut, paste and add in your own words.
“Some couples want me to express how they met or share words of love. Others want to do so themselves. Some want it very personal, others don’t,” she says. “Some couples just want to say, ‘I do.’ There’s a whole gamut from private to openly personal.”
The most important thing, according to Puja, is that you create a ceremony that is full of meaning for you as a way of sharing who you are. “Give it space and time,” Puja urges. “If you put energy into it, other people will catch that and know it’s your ceremony and that it really expresses you.”
Puja’s Advice
Do the preparation for your ceremony together. Puja finds that preparing for the ceremony is equally or maybe more important than the actual ceremony itself. 
“Do it NOW while you are enthusiastic. Don’t wait until the last minute!” she says. “Something more ‘practical’ will always come up.”
You can do the preparation together or you can do it separately. It can be fun to compare your individual answers to see where they are similar and different. Then you can balance your choices so that you are both involved.
Puja tells me that one newlywed couple visited her quiet retreat outside New Paltz for a country getaway (another way to enjoy her calming presence.) The couple had gotten married quickly in a civil ceremony at New York’s City Hall. “They told me they didn’t really feel married; it was like they were just a number. And they wanted to do a ceremony here that let them express who they really are.”
Take it slow if you’re getting married and you have children.
“Some couples are so much in love that they don’t see that the child has an ex-spouse pulling on them,” Puja says gently. “I work with them to involve the children in the ceremony…and help the children come to terms with it.”
Keep open communication, before, during and after the wedding.
“I ask my couples to promise to come back to me or seek professional help if problems come up,” Puja tells me. “Make time for sharing. If you need to, give yourselves a breather, but make a commitment to come back and keep communicating.”
Unusual Wedding Ceremonies
I ask Puja to tell me about the weirdest wedding ceremony she’s ever performed. She laughs immediately.
“I can tell you about the coldest! It was outside in the deep snow beside a fire pit, smoke blowing in everyone’s faces. It was so cold the bag piper’s fingers and lips were frozen and she couldn’t play. The groom was in a kilt and the bride had only a flimsy shawl around her shoulders. And they were wearing snow shoes!” Puja chuckles again. “It was cold, but they were very warm hearted.”
Another couple, Sherri and Ken invited their friends and family to a backyard Octoberfest party. The bride and groom were dressed in German /Austrian attire. It was the same event they hosted every year…except this time, they threw in a surprise twist.
Ken’s father shares the story:
Photo by Anthony Nocernino
“I was encouraged by Ken and Sherri to attend their 3rd annual October Festival. It turned out to be a SURPRISE party... for the guests, including US.
“After it got dark, everyone was directed to an open area near the pond, where a big fire was burning in a fire pit…As the moon and stars shone down through the trees, with their deeply-colored leaves of red, orange, and yellow, and the cool night breeze stirred the flames of the fire, Ken & Sherri were married by an interfaith minister in a beautiful ceremony. As one of their friends quipped, ‘I went to an Octoberfest party and a wedding broke out!’"
The overwhelming message from Puja is clear: no matter what you decide to do for your wedding ceremony, whether it’s inside a beautiful church or at an Octoberfest, put in the time and thought so that it really fits you. And find someone amazing like Puja to help you pull it off!
Puja Thomson of Roots & Wings is a counselor, healing facilitator, educator and minister of natural healing of the Healing Light Center Church. She creates meaningful ceremonies for special events, drawing from her diverse experiences from her native Scotland, ancient Celtic traditions, India, Sri Lanka, and America.