Personalize Your Wedding: Give Your Hudson Valley Ceremony Roots and Wings

The Reverend Puja Thomson.  Her presence is subtle, yet commanding; her energy calming, yet playful.  When she presides over a wedding ceremony, her charming Scottish brogue is exotic, yet somehow familiar and comforting.

Puja was given her unusual name by her spiritual master, Osho, when she went from Scotland to India to be in his presence.  Puja, a name which means ceremony, worship or offering, so appropriate for her life’s work.

Drawing on her diverse backgrounds in counseling, healing and education, she helps Hudson Valley couples create personal, meaningful ceremonies that, to use her words, “help everyone focus and raise their energy for that sacred time.”  Knowing all this, and having seen Puja work that magic with my own eyes, I was extremely excited to interview her.

Frequently Asked Questions

We haven’t done this before.  Can you guide me?

“The answer is absolutely yes!” Puja affirms.  “An officiant should support you in decisions that represent who you are and give you the tools to do it.  Couples who come to me want to find their own voice.”

Are you open to us as a couple if we come from different traditions?

It’s very important to ask this question of officiants if you come from different backgrounds that you would like to integrate in your wedding ceremony.  “You might be Jewish and Christian,” Puja explains, “and I’ll work with you to blend your different traditions.”

How do I deal with my future mother-in-law who wants us to have a traditional ceremony…and it’s not anything like what we want?  Will you support us in this?

Puja finds that some couples struggle with resistance from family members about traditional vs. non-traditional elements of the ceremony.  “The first thing I ask, have you really had a heart to heart with her about what you want for your ceremony?  As a couple you are forging your own meaning and doing it together, so it isn’t about just ONE tradition.”

There is a place to honor the traditions of your family, as well as the traditions you choose as a couple, so that you can blend them together into a ceremony that uniquely represents you, your love and your relationships.

How To Create A Personal, Unique Ceremony

Puja suggests that you ask yourselves these questions:

Photo by China Jorrin

Do you want a spiritual, religious or secular ceremony?

“Have a sense for your parameters first,” she says.  “This will narrow down your choices.  Most people know if they don’t want a 1 ½ hour church ceremony, even if they might not know what they do want.”

What are your cultural and spiritual backgrounds?

Many officiants, like Puja, don’t require attachment to a particular organization.  You can mix and match traditions and cultures into your wedding ceremony and your officiant or minister can suggest ways to do it.

Photos by Lori O'Toole Images

Use the Tools Provided By Your Officiant

Puja begins by getting to know her couples with list of questions about how they met, what they appreciate in each other and most importantly, their shared values.

“Couples often don’t see the link between their shared values and their vows.  Your vows aren’t promises to ‘Get my husband a cup of coffee every morning.’  Vows like that you can’t keep forever!” she laughs.  “Once you know your shared values, that is what your vows will be about.”

Puja provides a template of the suggested order for the ceremony with three parts: the beginning (welcome, opening prayer or thanks, reading); the middle (declaration of intention, vows, exchange of rings, blessing of couple) and the end (involvement of family/friends in some way, pronouncement and final blessing / breaking glass.) Start out by looking at sample ceremonies to see what you like; then you can cut, paste and add in your own words.

“Some couples want me to express how they met or share words of love. Others want to do so themselves.  Some want it very personal, others don’t,” she says.  “Some couples just want to say, ‘I do.’  There’s a whole gamut from private to openly personal.”

The most important thing, according to Puja, is that you create a ceremony that is full of meaning for you as a way of sharing who you are.  “Give it space and time,” Puja urges.  “If you put energy into it, other people will catch that and know it’s your ceremony and that it really expresses you.”

Puja’s Advice  

Do the preparation for your ceremony together.  Puja finds that preparing for the ceremony is equally or maybe more important than the actual ceremony itself.  

“Do it NOW while you are enthusiastic.  Don’t wait until the last minute!” she says.  “Something more ‘practical’ will always come up.”

You can do the preparation together or you can do it separately.  It can be fun to compare your individual answers to see where they are similar and different.  Then you can balance your choices so that you are both involved.

Puja tells me that one newlywed couple visited her quiet retreat outside New Paltz for a country getaway (another way to enjoy her calming presence.)  The couple had gotten married quickly in a civil ceremony at New York’s City Hall.  “They told me they didn’t really feel married; it was like they were just a number.  And they wanted to do a ceremony here that let them express who they really are.”

Take it slow if you’re getting married and you have children.

“Some couples are so much in love that they don’t see that the child has an ex-spouse pulling on them,” Puja says gently.  “I work with them to involve the children in the ceremony…and help the children come to terms with it.”

Keep open communication, before, during and after the wedding.

“I ask my couples to promise to come back to me or seek professional help if problems come up,” Puja tells me.  “Make time for sharing. If you need to, give yourselves a breather, but make a commitment to come back and keep communicating.”

Unusual Wedding Ceremonies

I ask Puja to tell me about the weirdest wedding ceremony she’s ever performed.  She laughs immediately.

“I can tell you about the coldest!  It was outside in the deep snow beside a fire pit, smoke blowing in everyone’s faces.  It was so cold the bag piper’s fingers and lips were frozen and she couldn’t play.  The groom was in a kilt and the bride had only a flimsy shawl around her shoulders.  And they were wearing snow shoes!”  Puja chuckles again.  “It was cold, but they were very warm hearted.”

Another couple, Sherri and Ken invited their friends and family to a backyard Octoberfest party.  The bride and groom were dressed in German /Austrian attire.  It was the same event they hosted every year…except this time, they threw in a surprise twist.  

Ken’s father shares the story:

Photo by Anthony Nocernino

“I was encouraged by Ken and Sherri to attend their 3rd annual October Festival.  It turned out to be a SURPRISE party... for the guests, including US.

“After it got dark, everyone was directed to an open area near the pond, where a big fire was burning in a fire pit…As the moon and stars shone down through the trees, with their deeply-colored leaves of red, orange, and yellow, and the cool night breeze stirred the flames of the fire, Ken & Sherri were married by an interfaith minister in a beautiful ceremony.  As one of their friends quipped, ‘I went to an Octoberfest party and a wedding broke out!’"

The overwhelming message from Puja is clear: no matter what you decide to do for your wedding ceremony, whether it’s inside a beautiful church or at an Octoberfest, put in the time and thought so that it really fits you.  And find someone amazing like Puja to help you pull it off!     

Puja Thomson of Roots & Wings is a counselor, healing facilitator, educator and minister of natural healing of the Healing Light Center Church.  She creates meaningful ceremonies for special events, drawing from her diverse experiences from her native Scotland, ancient Celtic traditions, India, Sri Lanka, and America.

Planning a Wedding That's All About You: A Fairy Godmother's Approach With Karin Hlywiak

I met Karin Hlywiak of Cinderella 4 A Day wedding planning for the first time at a wedding on Cole Hill Farm Estate in Marbletown, NY. I remember it well, because I bumped into her enthusiasm before I actually met the rest of her. Karin exudes energy and excitement and it was the first thing I noticed, even before her engaging smile.

Chatting with Karin is easy; her bubbly personality breezes through my questions, a constant stream of cheerfulness. My hand is cramped from trying to keep up, but I'm smiling.

"Why should a couple hire a wedding planner?" I ask.

Karin's answer comes quickly, as if she gets this a lot. "You work so hard for your wedding day," she explains. "A wedding planner creates a stress-free environment so that you can actually enjoy it."

According to Karin, a wedding coordinator has so many exclusive discounts available that they actually pay for the cost of their own services. This means you have someone to worry about the details...so you don't have to!...without an added expense.

A while back, Karin starting noticing that couples were extremely overwhelmed trying to navigate bridal shows with twenty different photographers, DJs, florists and so on. Add this to the stresses of the economy, and Karin knew she had to come up with a way to help them.

She designed custom, all-inclusive packages for every wedding budget that allow couples to select from hand-picked professionals, mixing and matching with vendors they may already have booked, to make the wedding planning easy. And of course, Karin's services are included with every package.

"I really believe a wedding planner is one of the most important people there for you on your wedding day. We're friends, advocates, negotiators..." Karin laughs, "and even therapists sometimes!"

"What questions should you ask a wedding planner?"

Karin clears her throat. "Before you even ask one question, make sure you feel comfortable with the planner. Make sure you can communicate with and trust them. This is the most important thing."

How to Hire a Wedding Planner

Ask them questions...

How much experience do you have? How long have you been doing this?

Can you provide me a discounted rate with professionals?

Throw an idea at them and see if they can come up with creative solutions based on what you tell them. Karin explains that many brides come to her with ideas from bridal magazines that are very expensive to pull off. A great wedding planner should be able to come up with ideas to fulfill those expectations within their budget.

Make sure you get everything in writing. Why is this so important?

Unfortunately, some planners just tell you what you want to hear; yes, you can contact me at any time, you can borrow my equipment without a rental fee, making all sorts of promises. Then when the day comes...they don't deliver.

Get all those specific details in writing so that you can hold them to their promises.

Karin's Advice For Brides

Create a budget. "You don't have to talk about numbers right away," Karin says. "Just ask yourself, 'What is the most important thing you'll remember on your day?' Start your budget there, then work out from that point. If something is less important, you'll spend less on it."

If children are attending the wedding, hire a babysitter. "You need someone to keep them away from the cake and off the dance floor during events," she explains. "It takes stress away from your guests and those couples who would need to keep an eye on them."

Please yourself first and foremost. "Everyone has an opinion about your wedding," Karin says knowingly. "A lot of brides and grooms have parents breathing down their neck, a sister who wants this or that bridesmaids dress. Don't try to please everyone! Do what is going to make you happy."

"What is the weirdest thing you've ever seen at a wedding?"

"Weird?" Karin giggles. "Well, I could tell you a story..."

Karin had a bride who was very athletic; she had short hair and was not very feminine. Well, this bride's mother was absolutely ecstatic about the wedding because she'd finally get to see her daughter in a dress...a sight she hadn't seen since she was a little girl. There was just one problem.

'I can't wear a dress!' the bride told Karin. 'It's just not me. And my mom is going to freak out!'

Karin brainstormed for a solution. She took the bride to a custom tailor and had an outfit designed especially for her, a gorgeous pants suit complete with train and sequins, all the configurations of a wedding gown...except without the dress.

Without telling the bride's mother, they strategically placed the pants suit on the rack of the bridal shop before their visit. The bride and her mother arrived to start the search for the dress, and Karin deliberately pulled out the most unflattering dresses for the bride to try on. The bride's mother shook her head as they tried on dress after hideous dress.

"Karin," the bride's mother exclaimed. "You've got to help me. They're horrible!"

This was the moment. Karin strolled over to the "hidden" pants suit. "Try this one."

The bride changed into the pants suit and then stepped into the light. Tears came to her mother's eyes. "You look gorgeous!"

The mother was ecstatic and the bride didn't have to wear a dress on her wedding day. Problem solved.

"Tell me something no one knows about you."

"Well, everyone says I should be a stand up comedian!" Karin laughs. "Most people don't know that I've been an entrepreneur since I was nineteen years old. I started a soy candle line and sold gourmet baskets. And I make a killer eggplant parmesan!"

Karin's gourmet basket business got its start "accidentally" when she brought to work a Thanksgiving cornucopia centerpiece of dried flowers. Her co-workers started asking if she would make them one. "By the end of the day I had 30 orders on my desk!" she exclaims.

"Any last suggestions for a couple getting married?"

"It's your day," Karin stresses. "You don't have to spend $50,000 for a beautiful wedding. It will be beautiful, with the bride, the groom, your family and friends. Don't lose sight of that. Remember: you're getting married to the person you love!"

Karin Hlywiak of Cinderella 4 A Day has been an event/wedding planner for over 12 years. Originally from New York City, she has been bringing her genuine, creative and fun personality to wedding planning in the Hudson Valley for the past four years.

5 Tricks That Beat Wedding Overwhelm

Feeling overwhelmed with all the choices involved in planning your wedding?

With hundreds of beautiful wedding locations to choose from here in the Hudson Valley in every size and shape imaginable, dozens of wedding services to sift through, dates and times to settle on, not to mention all the details of colors, styles, invitations, menus and themes...it's enough to drive the sanest bride to be absolutely MAD.

Here are 5 tricks from Professor Sheena Iyengar, author of The Art of Choosing, that will stop wedding overwhelm in its tracks and prevent the stress of decision-making.

1.  Let Someone Else Pick.

If it's an area of your wedding that is of lesser importance to you, why not let someone else pick?

You can delegate the decision to your fiancé or your uber-organized Maid of Honor. And I bet your mother would be pleased as punch if you ask her to pick for you.

Letting someone else make the little choices frees you up to take your time with the choices you care about most.

2.  Call On the Experts.

It takes hours of time and hard research to sift through the choices of locations, professionals and styles available for your wedding.

Give yourself a short cut and ask a wedding expert for his opinion. He knows weddings inside and out and can steer you in the right direction.

It's like investing in stocks. I'm probably better off asking Warren Buffet for his opinion rather than trying to sweat it out on my own. (A lot better off!)

3.  Ask Your Family & Friends.

Rather than taking the total burden of the responsibility on yourself, ask your close family and friends to share their thoughts. An honest opinion can make your choices much easier.

DANGER, Will Robinson! While Professor Iyengar has a point, I've been working in the wedding business long enough to know that taking an opinion poll can be a complete disaster. Everyone (and their mother, and their mother's next door neighbor) will have an opinion about your wedding they just can't wait to share.

Be very careful whose opinion you solicit and only ask people you trust. For instance, if your best friend is a fashion diva, she's a good one to ask about your wedding gown. But that's probably not a decision to leave to your little brother.

4. Give Yourself a Time Limit.

One of our couples actually visited literally 30 different locations before making their final choice.  And then they went on to visit a dozen DJs and nine photographers...Do you really think they had a better wedding than our couples who only looked at three choices?

No.  But they did have a lot more STRESS.

You can easily spend weeks or months researching ceremony officiants, photographers and florists in the Hudson Valley. One of the best ways to make any choice easier...and save yourself a lot of time...is to set a time limit.

Vow to give yourself only 1 hour of research. If the choice is super important to you, give yourself a week. Set a limit that is reasonable for you.

If you feel like you have too many choices, give yourself a cut off date and stick with it. This leaves you more time and energy to actually enjoy what it feels like to be engaged.

5. Go With "Good Enough."

There are some choices for your wedding where you will want to spend the time doing research and making careful selections. But there comes a time when "good enough" is really good enough.

If you find your head swimming with options for non-critical decisions in planning your wedding...JUST PICK ONE. I guarantee it will be good enough, and it immediately relieves the decision-making pressure.

After all, as long as you get the Big Decisions right...like marrying the right person...the rest is a piece of wedding cake.

Got any tips for making wedding decisions easier? What has worked for you? Leave a comment and share your wisdom!

The Perfect Wedding Photos: It's All About Light and Emotion With Maggie Heinzel-Neel

I've worked with Hudson Valley photographer Maggie Heinzel-Neel quite a few times; she is known for fabulously creative, emotional wedding photography paired with a "light touch," documenting without interfering. I had a hunch she'd have a unique perspective on weddings that would be both insightful and provocative.

All photos in this blog post are courtesy of the generous...and generously talented...Maggie.

So I start by asking one of my favorite photographer questions...

"What can a couple do to guarantee amazing wedding photos?"

"The late afternoon sun is the prettiest and most flattering," Maggie says. Check out Maggie's photos of the couple in that gorgeous afternoon sun at Osborn Castle...

Be Natural and Relaxed

"In order to have genuine, heart-felt photos, I suggest things for my couples to do rather than posing them," Maggie answers. "They might walk up and down a path; she might whisper in his ear...This keeps it moving and free flowing...and they're not looking at the camera all the time."

According to Maggie, great wedding photos result from a relaxed and happy couple. "Try to make taking pictures fun, rather than a big, horrible chore. Enjoy the process."

Don't Fear the Weather Gods

Maggie carries five white umbrellas in the back of her car...just in case.

Even rain on your wedding day doesn't have to ruin your photos. If you're game, venture out into the rain for super-fun, beautiful photos.

"The light on a rainy day is soft, diffused and saturated," Maggie says. With a talented photographer, it will be amazing, whatever the weather is.

Check out Maggie's rainy day wedding shots...

And these gorgeous photos were taken indoors because it was too cold to go outside, yet they are overflowing with romance created using diffused window light--no help from pretty scenery.

Then I ask another of my all-time favorite questions:

Set a Savvy Schedule

Few couples think to ask their photographer about the quality of light on their wedding day.

"Ask your photographer when would be the best time and best light for portraits," Maggie suggests thoughtfully. "Take that into account and work your schedule around that."

Maggie strongly recommends adding extra time to your wedding schedule so that you don't feel rushed. If you are having your ceremony and reception at different locations, leave enough time for a photo session in a beautiful location for just the two of you.

"I demand time alone with my couples." Maggie laughs. "They get to bask in the excitement and joy...and I get to document that moment."

Quality of light is equally important at the reception. "Lots of candles create romantic, pretty light," Maggie told me. "Less overhead light is good."

At one wedding in particular, Maggie was forced to be really creative.  "There was NOWHERE pretty to shoot Amy's portraits when she got ready and it was high noon, which is very hard unflattering light.  I actually ended up bringing her into an alley!  I blurred out the background and had her stand in front of the sun to create a beautiful back light."

You can see the stunning results of this creative "alley shoot" in Maurice & Amy's wedding slideshow.

Click to see Maurice & Amy's Wedding Slideshow.

Seeing Each Other For the First Time

It's become more popular for couples to take their photos before the wedding ceremony, especially if they don't have a gap of time between the ceremony and reception.

Maggie encourages her couples to consider this option rather than waiting until after the ceremony. "We set up a special place for you to see each other for the first time." I can tell Maggie is imagining that tender first vision by the dreaminess in her voice. "The level of excitement before the ceremony is so alive and palatable. It's so beautiful!...and I get to document that sweet moment."

When your photographs are done before the ceremony, it leaves you completely free to enjoy every moment of your wedding day without thinking about a schedule. Plus, the bride's hair and makeup is so fresh...and she hasn't cried yet.

"Coming up the aisle is still just as exciting." Maggie gushes. "And there is a relief after the ceremony that's beautiful, too."

Maggie is so enraptured with the emotions of the wedding day that it's clear to me how this translates to such emotional, romantic photographs.  Somehow, she makes it all look easy!

Click to see more effortless elegance in Brian & Courtney's Wedding Slideshow.

Maggie Heinzel-Neel has a background in photography for magazine, corporate and newspaper clients. She loves weddings because they combine the best of photojournalism, fashion and fine art all in one!