Did you just get engaged?
Congratulations! And welcome to a really special time in your relationship!
I personally think engagements are brilliant by design. In the course of planning a wedding, you and your fiance begin to talk about things that you never would have while dating-- things that maybe seemed taboo before: money, family dynamics, expectations. It can be really intense, but that's a good thing.
If you use it to your advantage, every little decision that goes into making a wedding can bring you and your spouse-to-be that much closer.
The first thing people will ask when you announce your engagement is: "What's the date?" You can't really move forward with plans for your wedding until you have this piece figured out. But in order to do this, you'll need to first figure out the ceremony and reception locations, and see what dates they have available. And once you do that, your to-do list will begin to grow, your timeline will begin to tick, and all the wedding professionals will begin to do their thing.
I would wait on all this for a minute and just make a date with your fiance to get together a strategy. Take some time to talk about what you each want and need. Ask each other about weddings you've been to, what you liked and disliked. Talk about what weddings are generally like in your families and what expectations and needs each of your families may have.
It seems to me that the couples I work with who really know and understand each other's families are the ones who have the most fun planning.
During a pre-wedding meeting recently, one couple I'll be photographing next year kept exchanging knowing looks and pats on each other's knees when telling me about the quirky things their families like to do at weddings. Another groom became completely excited when he told me that his bride's uncle does the worm on the dance floor at every family wedding.
Do yourselves a favor and figure out your team strategy-- What season do you guys want to celebrate? Outdoors or indoors? Religious or non? Include in your game plan all your non-negotiables. Then make a pact that you'll protect your team and ensure that those things aren't fussed with later on when the planning really starts.
Each service within a wedding has its own set of considerations, and it's good to do a lot of research to uncover what you do and don't want. A lot of times, this will naturally come out of meeting with people whose work interests you. But it's also a good idea to take some time to immerse yourself in an industry before talking to anyone.
I've been contacted by people who tell me that this is the month they're devoting to finding a photographer. They work within that time frame to explore only that one element of the wedding-- absorbed, settled, then released and ready to move on to the next!
Remember, you'll hopefully only do this big planning project once, but wedding professionals do it literally all the time. They can be a valuable resource in helping you to get everything in place.
So as you choose your vendors, you can think of it as basically recruiting for your team. One bride last summer sent a gang email to all the vendors for her wedding about two months beforehand and said, "It takes a village, and you are our village!"
It was exciting to hear that and to see who else would be on the team, many of whom I'd worked with previously. It was a like a pep talk, and I got completely pumped for her day.
Sometimes couples divide up responsibilities for the wedding. But one couple I worked with seemed to do everything together. Sometimes the bride would contact me about something, sometimes the groom. And right before the wedding, we had a conference call all together to go over the final details of the day. After the wedding, they both came into the studio to work with me on designing their album. And it was clear that they had formed a habit in the course of planning their wedding-- the habit of looking to each other for consensus.
With all the ensuing compromises and chats, planning your wedding can be a dry run for your marriage, in a way.
By taking it slow in the beginning and laying the foundation for working together on this big project, your engagement period can be a first stepping stone into building your life together.
To be continued...
Next time: Booking a Photographer for Your Wedding
Hillary Harvey is a freelance photographer specializing in wedding photojournalism. Though born in Brooklyn to a long line of Brooklynites, she is a tried-and-true valley girl, having lived most of her life in the Hudson Valley. She also lives online, so catch up with her there!