Is It Cold in Here?
With all of this talk of weddings I've found it's easy to build apprehensions about this life changing decision. From what I understand, "Cold Feet" isn't the horrific subject it‘s been made out to be. Broaching the subject is never easy and can be one riddled with hurt feelings, but it's important to explore these anxieties once they present themselves.
There are times when, "Cold Feet," can be that little voice in your head saying, "You may want to rethink this." Too often brides feel pressured to go through with a wedding after the intial "Yes," but there are very legitimate reasons to call it off.
Substance abuse, sexual orientation, or physical abuse are all serious issues that should be dealt with before entering a marriage. If you find that your partner exhibits any of these behaviors, and is unwilling to seek counseling, calling off a wedding is completely justified. However, if your sudden pet peaves with your partner are more like, "He left his wet towl on the bed, AGAIN!?" then canceling your wedding may be a bit extreme.
I recently experienced early pangs of the jitters. For a couple of weeks, I had rising concerns that we may be making a mistake.
The “Who” wasn’t the problem at all; it was the “When” that worried me. I was afraid that we were getting into something a lot bigger than we both had realized and with little hesitation. I thought about all of the dreams we are both still chasing. Were those dreams going to fall by the wayside as we start to focus on what’s good for “Us?”
Once I opened up to Mike about my recent concerns, I found that he, too, was troubled by the rate of speed this thing had taken on. At first, I found myself upset by this realization, despite the fact I was questioning things as well.
Could he be doubting us? Our relationship? ME?!? It took a couple of deep breaths before logical thought returned.
We found that the only way to quell our fears was to explore them deeply, both on our own and together. I took some time to myself, listing out all of my fears in a journal.
Fears of dependency, abandonment, and loss of individuality are issues men and women alike should meditate on when entering a marriage. I dug deep to the root of each fear, tracing them back to their origins. I’ve found that 90% of them have nothing to do with Mike or our engagement. Once I got things into perspective, I was able to approach the situation with a much more level head.
We discussed our shared fear of lost independence and established the importance of space. By granting one another time for our personal endeavors we can continue to be ourselves while embarking on this great adventure together.
I’m glad to say I’m not the only bride that has experienced Cold Feet, and I can guarantee that I won’t be the last. I’ve seen instances where Cold Feet has stopped someone from making a big mistake. I’ve also seen it come and go as it did, and probably will again, for us. I’m just happy that we were able to talk it out. It’s like we were meant for each other, or something.
Lena M. Sack is a 25 year old student of life currently working her way through Massage Therapy School. By day an Executive Assistant for a magnet company, by night,
writer and artist, Lena's latest mission is planning a dream wedding with her wonderful fiancé, Michael.
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Lena, I just wanted to say how glad I am that you brought this up. Getting "cold feet" is the elephant in the room (when it comes to getting married) that no one wants to talk about. Who can blame them?
Jeff and I had a 6 week engagement, so I barely had time to think about the implications of marriage on my identity. I didn't freak out...until AFTER the wedding.
I was very clear that I loved Jeff; I just didn't know who I was and how marriage would, could or should affect that.
I always say, "You're never ready for marriage. You get married and then you get ready." I thank the stars for my Handsome Jeffrey every day.