Christmas has come a little early for Mike and I. My future father-in-law has graciously accepted financial responsibility for the food at our reception.
This comes as such a relief, of course, relinquishing my attention temporarily from the wedding to the holidays. I am, however, a little unclear regarding the proper protocol of receiving such a gift.
So I did a little prying, once again, to get a consensus regarding such a touchy topic.
Unconditional Gifts
In a lot of cases family members will throw an engaged couple a few extra bucks leading up to a wedding for “whatever.” This is meant to help the couple in the stressful time leading up to a wedding. This financial gift may be used towards the wedding in any way the couple sees fit, even if it is towards Christmas presents to ease added stressors.
A Gift with Intent
This is a gift that comes with instruction as to how it should be used. The offer we received 
from Mike’s father this week is a perfect example.
Traditionally, the bride’s parents are to pay the wedding expenses, but this is quickly growing to be unrealistic financially for most families.
Instead, extended family members from both sides of the marriage are now pitching in. It’s a growing practice for aunts and uncles to take care of the cake or cover the centerpieces in lieu of buying a wedding gift.
A Gift with Conditions
The one gift couples should be weary of is one that comes with the phrase, “if you do it this way…” It was the consensus of my peers that a gift with conditions is no gift at all. However, according to The Knot, whoever pays ultimately makes the decisions.
I personally feel that this kind of thinking is a bit outdated. I believe that making demands along with a financial contribution is basically robbing the couple of whatever details the contributor feels the need to dictate.
Fortunately, we have yet to receive any such offers. We have discussed the possibility of them, and determined that we would politely decline. It’s not like we are selling shares in our wedding.
I don’t foresee many gifts with conditions coming our way. We are both surrounded by loving families that want to see our vision for our big day.
I am a little uncomfortable with the idea of accepting potentially large sums of money from my loved ones regardless of what comes with it. I can’t deny however, the relief we felt when his father took that burden off our shoulders.
Really though, what better gift to a couple than ensuring they have the wedding of their dreams all without a heap of debt?
Lena M. Sack is a 25 year old student of life currently working her way through Massage Therapy School. By day an Executive Assistant for a magnet company, by night, writer and artist, Lena's latest mission is planning a dream wedding with her wonderful fiancé, Michael.
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My spouse and I paid for our entire wedding - and what you realize quickly is that what is worth spending on, seem to be the things that last. If I could offer you any tips...we spent heavily on rings (Tiffany), location, photography, and guest comfort (food, drinks, etc)...and lesser on things that people throw away (invitations, favors, etc..). It was a beautiful day with wonderful memories.
I wish you all the best in your wedding.
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I can't believe that article from The Knot! Just because some people offer to pay for any part of the wedding, it does not give them CONTROL over it! There is a big difference between delegation and loss of control. You said it perfectly: you are not selling shares of your wedding! If someone decides to pay for something, it should be because they want to see your dream become a reality! :-)