When I was planning my wedding (years and years ago), I wanted the process to be really fun. I wanted it and all the decisions my then-fiance and I were making to reflect our excitement about our future together. Unfortunately, I found myself too easily overwhelmed by all the details involved. I’d only been to two very non-traditional weddings at that point, so my own wedding was essentially the first wedding I’d ever attended!
One of the biggest surprises to me was the expectations involved with weddings: that my husband and I had but hadn’t known about, that our families and friends had for us, and that just seemed to generally be in the air when I mentioned that I was engaged. My husband and I had never hosted such a big event before that, and it was daunting to juggle all the elements.
But in the end, there were some lovely surprises, too. I am not one who enjoys the spotlight, and my family isn’t religious so the thought of my wedding ceremony, itself, sent me into a total state of panic and sleeplessness during our planning. But on the day, the ceremony ended up being my most favorite part. My husband and I chose really inspiring readings that I still think about from time to time, as well as meaningful music. We wrote our own vows, and I was so blissed out at saying and hearing them. I always tell people now that I could have stayed at my wedding ceremony all day, just gazing at my handsome new husband.
Thinking about all of my own ups and downs in my wedding planning, I recently asked several clients if they’d like to share what they’d learned from their weddings. Here’s what they had to say…
Keep it Simple
Bigger is not necessarily better when it comes to wedding parties. I would think twice about having 12 people in the party: too many personalities to deal with and keep track of. I would NOT let them keep their own cameras on them during the formal pictures. Let the photographer do their job, and then they can go and do their own thing. I also would have had my father stick around while dealing with the party so someone else besides me could try to get them to be where they needed to be for pictures and cooperate. – Laurie, married April 2009
Choose Vendors You Can Trust
We had made playlists for reception and dinner music that our DJ played, but they had asked us if they could use their own music for dancing/fun stuff. Everyone still talks about what a fun party that it turned into - everyone was dancing and having a great time. The music matters!! – Christina, married June 2010
Prioritize Your Budget
I knew it would be expensive, but I was floored at how it all adds up. We prioritized on what was most important for us and put our money towards it. In our case, it was having as many guests attend as possible. The inspirational sculpture, Opus 40, in Saugerties, NY, was an alluring venue. Its location and beauty brought all our guests together. It's cliche, but it is true. Having all these people you have known your whole life come out to witness and celebrate in your wedding is worth every penny. – Mitzie, married September 2010
Work out the big issues first, then go down to details (because there will be millions if you plan it yourself). Most important details: good music, good photographer, good food, good booze, good people - and everything will work out great! – Christina
Do It Together
The best surprise was how involved my husband was in the planning. It was a great test of communication and compromise to help prepare for marriage (which is going wonderfully!) – Christina
Through this head-banging process, we really blossomed as a couple and decided what it is, exactly, we want for our marriage; for ourselves. - Mitzie
In the end, the wedding planning process, even with all the stress, expense and overwhelm, seems a well-designed first step in creating a marriage. My husband and I had been together 5 years before we were married, but there were many things we’d never talked about before. And those conversations and compromises we made back then, almost 13 years ago now, set an important foundation for the marriage we began on our wedding day.
I hope you, too, enjoy the ride!
Hillary Harvey is a freelance photographer specializing in wedding photojournalism. Though born in Brooklyn to a long line of Brooklynites, she is a tried-and-true valley girl, having lived most of her life in the Hudson Valley. She also lives online, so catch up with her there!
